1. A baby is Gods way of saying the world should go on. - Doris Smith

2. My Dad knew I was going to be a comedian. When I was a baby he said, 'Is this a joke? - Ken Dodd

3. Being touched and caressed, being massaged, is food for the infant; food as necessary as minerals, vitamins, and proteins. Deprived of this food, the name of which is love, Babies would rather die. And often they do. - Frederick Leboyer

4. I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted "baby food. - Robert Orben

5. Did you ever notice that a new baby always seem to bear a striking resemblance to the relative who has the most money? - Robert Paul

6. There are three reasons for breast-feeding: the milk is always at the right temperature; it comes in attractive containers; and the cat can't get it. - Irena Chalmers

7. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. - Dave Barry, "Things That It Took Me 50 Years to Learn"

8. It sometimes happens, even in the best of families, that a baby is born. This is not necessarily cause for alarm. The important thing is to keep your wits about you and borrow some money. - Elinor Goulding Smith

9. Getting down on all fours and imitating a rhinoceros stops babies from crying. (Put an empty cigarette pack on your nose for a horn and make loud "snort" noises.) I don't know why parents don't do this more often. Usually it makes the kid laugh. Sometimes it sends him into shock. Either way it quiets him down. If you're a parent, acting like a rhino has another advantage. Keep it up until the kid is a teenager and he definitely won't have his friends hanging around your house all the time. - P.J. O'Rourke

10. It is a pleasant thing to reflect upon, and furnishes a complete answer to those who contend for the gradual degeneration of the human species, that every baby born into the world is a finer one than the last. - Charles Dickens

11. If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby it. -Jerome K. Jerome

12. Every new baby is a blind desperate vote for survival: people who find themselves unable to register an effective political protest against extermination do so by a biological act. - Lewis Mumford

13. Babies are necessary to grown-ups. A new baby is like the beginning of all things - wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities. In a world that is cutting down its trees to build highways, losing its earth to concrete... babies are almost the only remaining link with nature, with the natural world of living things from which we spring. - Eda J. Le Shan

14. A woman has two smiles that an angel might envy - the smile that accepts a lover before words are uttered, and the smile that lights on the first born babe, and assures it of a mother's love. - Thomas C. Haliburton

15. "I don't know any parents that look into the eyes of a newborn baby and say, How can we screw this kid up." - Russell Bishop

16. Families with babies and families without are so sorry for each other. - Ed Howe

17. If you want a baby, have a new one. Don't baby the old one. - Jessamyn West

18. There is no finer investment for any community than putting milk into babies. - Winston Churchill

19. People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. -Leo J. Burke

20. A baby is born with a need to be loved and never outgrows it. - Frank A. Clark