Sometimes we hear things from those we love and trust, and what we've heard becomes a fact without question when it truly was a lie. It's worse when the lie was never intended as a lie, but as a true belief passed on as training.

I've been haunted for years by one of my dad's oft-repeated old sayings when I was growing up:

There's no better way to kill time than work it to death.

I never questioned the truth of that statement. First, I love my dad. He's a really good man. Second, work is good. Third, work is what we're all about, right. Right?

• Lie number 1: We don't get anywhere in life without working hard.
• Lie number 2: The more we work, the more we make.
• Lie number 3: What we do is who we are.

Work became something different for me about 10 years ago when, in one of the many heart-to-hearts between me and my oldest son when he was feeling his way through high school, he said, "Work is evil for you." Evil is a strong word, never to be taken lightly. At first, I thought maybe he was just angry because I didn't spend enough time with him. But he didn't seem angry. He was just telling me what he believed. He couldn't elaborate, but at 16, he opened a wound that didn't heal quickly. It festered for years as I thought about that: How could work be evil if my dad said it was the best way to kill time?

I was on the fast track in the newspaper business with a great job. As a young man, I had climbed much of the corporate ladder in a field that demanded 24 hour-a-day response. When my radio (before cell phone proliferation) crackled my name, or the phone rang, no matter what time, I had to respond. It didn't matter if I was celebrating a holiday or a child's birthday, I was on call.

But I had a good job. People respected me. I was providing for my family. I was living, and buying into, all three LIES. But as with most addictions -- and work was an addiction for me -- I hit a bottom.

Something had to change. Work wasn't the answer it once was. I changed careers and fields in an effort to control my workaholic ways. For a short time, things were better. But not for long. I discovered that I'd rather work than talk to most folks. And if I'm feeling blue, please give me a hard job to do so I don't have to feel it. Work became a great way to avoid myself.

I needed new answers. I had to throw out old rules that haunted me, and new insights that wounded me. I had to discover what work was to me. Answers came slowly.

• Answer number 1: The key to "getting somewhere" is knowing where you want to go. One of my favorite reminders comes from Stephen Covey in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People: Many people climb the corporate ladder only to find that the ladder was leaning on the wrong wall. Been there, done that.
• Answer number 2: Work smarter, not harder. Another clich, but one I like better. It takes confidence to charge what I want, and believe I'm worth it. It takes more confidence to live within my means, no matter what. But the real truth is that money always flows in. I just have to be willing to receive it. There's many spiritual books and wealthbuilding programs that start with this premise. My favorite is Fredric Lehrman's Prosperity Consciousness. I've owned it for 10 years and listened to the 6-hour series at least 10 times.
• Answer number 3: If we are what we do, imagine how sad that is! I am so much more than what I do for a living. The discovery, of course, is that we are what we believe. No more, no less.

There's a much better way to kill time. Enjoy it.