The recovery process for physical or sexual abuse survivors requires a multifaceted therapeutic process, facilitated by a professional who is trained in mind, body, spirit healing. Traditional therapy is not effective for physical or sexual abuse recovery.

WHAT TO DO:

" DO learn about abuse aftereffects and the healing process.

" DO use and encourage the Survivor to use empowering language.

" DO help the Survivor make choices.

" DO validate feelings.

" DO encourage therapy for the Survivor, and possibly yourself. Separately and together.

" Do learn and practice effective communication techniques.

" Do learn and practice assertive communication skills.

" DO learn and practice time-out skills.

" DO respect boundaries and limits.

" DO communicate openly about sexuality.

" DO allot time and resources for the healing process.

" DO learn to play.

" DO allot time to be together.

" DO allot time to be apart.

" DO serve as a healthy role model.

" Do blame the offender(s), NOT the Survivor.

" DO plan for crises (including possibly suicidal thoughts).

" DO be honest about your feelings.

" DO acknowledge progress in the healing process.

" DO reinforce strengths of the Survivor and the relationship.

" DO believe in the Survivor and in the healing process. WHAT TO AVOID:

" Avoid taking the Survivor's outbursts personally.

" Avoid being a martyr.

" Avoid isolating yourself, even though, the Survivor is.

" Avoid humoring the Survivor into cheerfulness.

" Avoid insisting the Survivor forgive and forget.

" Avoid overwhelming the Survivor with your own anger/frustration regarding the abuse.

" Avoid making pronouncements regarding a "cure" or insist the Survivor hurry the healing process.

" Avoid setting timetables or give ultimatums to the Survivor.

" Avoid giving the Survivor your version how s/he needs to heal.