The more exposure you have to the mystery of life and death, the more clearly will your life become a reflection of that mystery. Perhaps this is the one thing healers know better than most. It is also one of the things they are least likely to talk about.

It is almost impossible to witness a person in pain and suffering without asking the question, Why? And the next logical question then becomes, When? When will something like that be mine to bear? Even though it may not be expressed in words, that question lives inside all of us, and its resonance is proportional to the volume of suffering we are exposed to.

Bad things do happen mindless, insensitive, yes, even evil things and when youre in the position of seeing this again and again, it is easy to understand that such things are not a fluke, but a part of the human condition.

As hard as we try, we cannot escape the fact that we, too, are human, therefore have the potential to become a part of any of the worst that we see.

How does that happen? Its not much different than what occurs when you place two guitars side by side. Pluck the third string of one of them and the corresponding string on the other will begin to vibrate without being touched. Essentially, continued exposure tunes us in to that vibration. Just like the guitars, we share common strings.

We certainly dont have to become that vibration, yet, we recognize the tone and it lives inside us. And thats where the crazymaking begins; to know its there at all is a fearsome thing.

It is not so much the recognition of the potential that puts us on edge; it is the denial and suppression of it. The many layers of protection we put on ourselves to foster the illusion that somehow, we are different than them eventually imprisons us. We are different, but the potential is still there.

As loathe as we are to admit it, this is actually something we have to come to terms with in ourselves if we are to be healers.

Those layers of protection are not a zippered jumpsuit we can put on and take off at will. Like being sewn into a uniform, the distance, coldness, sarcasm and lack of sensitivity we develop to insulate ourselves become evident in everything we do, every relationship we have.

The energy we expend to deny our darker capabilities comes back to haunt us. The harder we work to push away these aspects of ourselves, the more likely are we to draw situations to us that will test us in those very same ways.

We, as healers, are continually being asked to make the choice because we know there is one. The longer we avoid dealing with this aspect of our lives, the more strongly are we called back to face it.

For many of us, alcohol and substance abuse rank high in the things we do to both insulate ourselves, AND express our shadows. Abuse of our relationships is often a vehicle for an energy much akin to (if not actually) violence. The innumerable ways we shut ourselves down to avoid putting ourselves in the position of having to make any choices (other than at "work") is as strong a symptom as any of the others.

Accepting our shadows does not require that we indulge in the behaviors. It doesnt mean, surrounded by murderers, we will inevitably choose to murder.

The one thing we have going for us is the knowledge that we have a choice. We will always catch glimpses of darkness in our behaviors. At that point will come the choice to go there or not. Working with choice is far easier than denying that the impulse is there at all. It takes a lot of work to bury something.

The art is to be able to spot this dynamic the conflict with the shadow side of ourselves -- while it is happening, and then work through it. Easier said than done, of course, but all it takes is practice and the inclusion of others.

The way to get better at this is to be willing to express honestly your experiences and feelings. The act of talking is an act of moving this energy. So are yelling, screaming, crying, and forms of physical expression that yes, can and should include controlled expression of rage that involves aggression. But dont forget that art, music, writing, sculpture, sports, anything you think of can be used as a safety valve to let off some of the pressure.

The most important parts are that you and others establish a safe, supportive and conscious environment in which you can do the work together, and that you focus your intent on moving that shadow energy into something productive. It could even be fun!

Accepting that such things live inside you is a by-product of learning such thoughts and desires, like everything else, come and go. We cannot hold back that energy without paying a price, because it, too, is the stuff of life. We can, however, allow it to pass through us and, through practice, learn to direct it toward the positive.