There comes daily in the life of an old man who has retired and is continually in the presence of his wifeinstead of at work where he belongsthe challenge to answer her questions. Remember, old people forget easily so that is to our advantage.

Questions come in many forms and at odd times. It can drive a man crazy trying to think of a short wife-shoo-away answer on the spot. Its better to be prepared with some stock answers.

Also, a man needs some extracurricular activities to keep him out of the house as much as possible. I for example have two horses. I can always tell my wife Im going out to check on them. One is north of town and the other is south of town so I can go any direction I want to.

As some of you know, these horses were given to me by my friends. They feed the horses, clean the stall, pay the vet bills, exercise them and groom them or whatever else a horse needs. I just want to say I have a horse. They agreed to this so for all worthy-excuse purposes, I have horses. My grandkids like to go out and see my horses.

Im in the process of building my herd to five critters. I told me wife this so I can always say, Im going to see a man about a horse.

Here are some stock answers to give your wife:

Answer: I agree with you. Go ahead and do whatever you decided.

Answer: Nope. Did you write it down?

Answer: Yes, I think you did that.

Answer: Go ahead and send it. It wont hurt if he (or she) gets two cards (presents, invitations).

Answer: Im just kidding (joshing).

Answer: That may be the way it plays out.

Answer: Rome wasnt built in a day.

Answer: You always look gorgeous to me.

Answer: Its only money.

Answer: Sure I want to go with you. Right now?

Answer: No I never heard that choice tidbit.

Answer: She (or he) did!

Answer: Ill be with you in a minute.

Answer: Yes that is a lovely bird (flower, tree).

Answer: Ill have to look that up for you on Google or Ask.

Answer: Some people just have everything.

Answer: It could well rain (snow, hail, sleet) today.

Answer: Ill get right on it tomorrow.

Answer: Oh, sorry! Today (tomorrow, that) is my fishing (hunting, golfing, kayaking, archery) day.

Answer: We can do that as soon as my treasure ship (Brinks truck) docks.

Answer: Yes, I still love you and I always will.

Answer: No, if anything it makes you look much thinner.

Answer: You look good in any color, especially (red, green, blue, mauve, burgundy, chartreuse, yellow, polka dots, stripes).

Answer: Sure we can go out. How about lunch (breakfast)? Would you like Mexican (Chinese, the Golden Coral), or we could go to that expensive place if you want a less expensive birthday present.

Answer: You want to go on a cruise? Great! Me too! Now which line had a pandemic (fire, murder, pirates)?

And remember that if you take my advice and start building a herd of horses you will always be able to say, Im going to see a man about a horse.

Funny Answers Kids Gave on Science Tests

To see some funny answers that kids gave on science test go to http://www.bedavaingilizce.com/reading/funny_answers.htm

For example:

Most houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.

Christs main followers were the twelve opossums.

The general direction to the Alps is straight up.

H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.

Funny Answers from Family Fortunes (England):

Family Fortunes is called Family Feud in our country. To see funny answers go to http://www.funny.co.uk/stuff/art_172-1271-Family-Fortunes-Funny-Answers.html

Here are some examples:

Name an occupation where you need a torch.

A burglar!

Name a dangerous race.

The Arabs!

Name an item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers.

A horse!

Name something that floats in the bath.

Water!

Copyright 2006 John T. Jones, Ph.D.