1. How can I find my true match?

2. What do I have to do to attract my true match?

3. Whenever I meet him (or her) how will I know this person is right for me?

4. What happens if we get into a fight?

5. Ive always attracted people that hurt me in the past. How can I change that?

6. If I do attract my true match, how can I make it last?

THE ANSWERS

1. How can I find my true match?

First, you're not on a hunting mission. You are a Divine Co-Creator, and you are able to attract anything into your life, including your true match! There is BIG difference between looking and trying to find the right person, and ATTRACTING your true match into your life.

If you are out there looking the universe pretty much accepts your view, and you are perpetually looking rather than attracting there is a big difference in attitude which is where it all begins!

2. What do I have to do to attract my true match?

Its not what you have to do it is what you have to be and believe about yourself. First, you truly have to BE the mirror of the kind of person that you would like to attract into your life as a true partner. This does NOT stem from need but from a place of authentically feeling deserving of the best person in this universe for you. Next, really take an honest inventory of every single QUALITY you would like the person to have that you will attract into your life. How do you really prefer that they treat you? How much alone time do you prefer? Do you prefer that he or she is fully supportive of you in your life purpose? Do you prefer passionate, fantastic and meaningful sex? Do you prefer that they honor your opinions, preferences, and outlook on the small and big things in life? Do you prefer that you share similar life goals? Do you prefer that you are equally thrilled to be together? Do you prefer that you can both share authentic communication in an honest and healthy manner, where you can always bring up anything that you may not like, and it is resolved with mutual respect, love, and understanding? THAT is the person that you have to BE first in order to attract your true match into your life.

3. Whenever I meet him (or her) how will I know this person is right for me?

By really taking your TIME to get to know him or her! You have to talk and observe how you interact with them, and how he or she treats you!

There is no rush or emergency. If you ultimately prefer to spend your life with your true match, isnt it well worth your time to honestly get to know them before you dive into a relationship? As I state in my forthcoming book: Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE The beginning stages of a relationship is a crucial time to really see where the other person is coming from, BEFORE you jump into the sac with them!

It takes time, honesty and observation to really see what they are all about. You will KNOW if the person is right for you based on how you genuinely feel when you are with them, how they really treat you, and if this is how you have ALWAYS preferred to be treated on every level of a relationship. From communication to chemistry, shared values and lifestyle preferences, to how you get along and feel when you are together, as well as how you are treated if you have to spend time apart due to career schedules.

For example, one of you may have to go out of town on business. Do they call you? Do they send you flowers or a small surprise just because you are so special to them? The ONLY way you will EVER know if someone is right for you is by following every small feeling you get when they are in your life, and by observing their actions, whether you are in person, or apart for the day, week, or month.

You will pick up on TINY feelings, and you really have to trust what your feelings are telling you, and follow them. Always go with your gut instincts, and pay special attention to what you are picking up on. You know a lot more than you may realize. Some people like to ignore the red flag warning signs in the beginning of the relationship, because they might be too invested in needing someone in their life, rather than choosing to be with someone because they are that right for you.

ALWAYS make your decisions based on how you really feel, and know that if someone is right for you, then you will see it in their actions every single day that they are in your life.

4. What happens if we get into a fight?

You both sit down, look at each other, and say that you want to speak honestly, and come to a mutually agreeable solution so that you can move forward together and clear the air. It really is as simple as that. Ill also let you know what you should NEVER do: NEVER play games. Say hurtful comments out of anger. Say or do things to push the other persons buttons or make them angry or jealous. Try to prove how right you are. Blast them verbally rather than listening and communicating authentically. Hit them Be abusive in ANY form. ALWAYS speak from your heart, and say what you REALLY mean deep down inside. ALWAYS communicate with the wisdom that their views are equally as important as yours are. ALWAYS speak in a calm, rational tone, where your honest intention is to come to a solution together where each of your views and preferences are honored. Most importantly be completely HONEST!

5. Ive always attracted people that hurt me in the past. How can I change that?

Please realize that what you have been attracting in the past mirrored your deepest unconscious beliefs about yourself. These beliefs were most probably developed during your earlier years by taking on the beliefs about yourself based on the comments and behaviors that were lashed out to you by others.

In order to change this dynamic, you really have to change your entire belief system about yourself, and truly come to know that you are the best, and therefore deserve the best in a life partner. As long as you believe that you are not that worthy, you will continue to attract people that treat you as if you are not that worthy. Do you see the dynamic here? It all stems down to what you truly believe about yourself, and what you really believe you deserve.

I learned that the more self love you have, the more of a zero tolerance you will have for abusive and/or neglectful bullshit. So you may need a self-esteem makeover, from the inside out. You can only attract the love of your life, or your true match that will treat YOU like the love of his or her life, when you believe that you are really worth it.

This universe will always bring you what you truly believe on the inside, so as you change your view of Self, naturally the partner that you attract into your life will mirror your new belief.

6. If I do attract my true match, how can I make it last?

The ONLY thing that can sustain a relationship is genuine communication, and honoring the other persons feelings as much as your own. It is the day-to-day communication, IN THE MOMENT that clears the air, without allowing the small things to fester inside, and boil over out of control.

It takes guts to be honest and share if you feel something unpleasant, and it takes guts to listen with an open mind, and not wear ego armor to defend how right you are, when the goal needs to be mutual communication towards a mutually agreeable solution.

You BOTH have to learn healthy communication skills, as well as how to honor your needs as equally as you honor the needs of the other person, or vice versa.

Every couple has differences, it is the COMMUNICATION and mutual respect that can clear the air so that you can have lasting happiness. You CAN attract and share a fantastic life with your true match. It takes a tremendous amount of Self Love, and equal reciprocation on all levels. If you truly prefer to attract your true match into your life, BE everything you prefer in a partner, and have the beliefs about yourself that you would prefer your partner to mirror back to you in their words and actions at all times.

For further info on different areas related to this topic, please click on any of the links in this Ask Barbara section located on the right panel towards the top of this page.

Copyright by Barbara Rose, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved.